Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Deprivation Disorders:
I’ve been learning about this type of disorder since March of this year and it’s really opened my eyes to an aspect of human behavior that is much more common than I thought. While there are many reasons for the way we humans behave I believe this disorder may have a greater influence than any other factor in our lives, especially when it comes to sexual behavior.
Deprivation disorder is characterized by personal denial of things that bring us pleasure or make us happy and fulfilled. Sometimes it’s disguised as virtue. Religion can often serve as a cover for this denial, but deprivation disorder is wide-ranging.
Sexual anorexia is a common form. For any number of reasons people deny themselves the pleasure of sexual contact. Sometimes the cause may be sexual abuse in our past, but I don’t believe it’s the sole reason. People deny themselves sexual contact because, on some level, they don’t feel they deserve to be physically desired.
But that’s only one form. This disorder takes thousands of forms. Eating disorders may be one form, but it’s important to remember there are many reasons driving eating disorders. People deny themselves good quality food, food that tastes good, or dessert. Often this seems like virtue. “I don’t eat sweets because I care about my body.”
From what I’ve been learning, virtue is the number one tool in hiding deprivation disorder. People use religion and virtue as a shield for their denial of good things. But virtue has nothing to do with this problem. Virtue becomes the excuse.
Some people take this to extremes. They won’t dress nicely or groom themselves the way they should. They avoid things that may improve the quality of their lives. Sometimes they even deny themselves medical and/or dental care. Anything that might bring them pleasure is avoided. Their lives take on a monkish quality. Their lives become a prison of denial.
Sexual Anorexia. I was floored when this concept was introduced to me. But sexual anorexia is likely the most common form of deprivation disorder. There are so many reasons to avoid sexual contact it’s the easiest form this illness takes. I’ve come to believe that sexual victimization can be one source of sexual deprivation disorder.
But it’s not the only reason.
Deprivation disorder is most likely linked to low self-esteem or low self-image. The causes are many but the outcome is the same – denial of that which might bring us joy.
And breaking people out of this might be one of the hardest things we ever attempt. The denial of pleasure becomes so deeply ingrained it becomes a prison. The words of others are not enough to break us out of our deprivation disorder. We have made deprivation part of our skin – flesh and bone.
The big question is; how do we break the cycle? How do we overcome our deprivation disorder and convince ourselves we deserve the things in life that bring us joy?
The answers are as deeply seated as the disorder is. How do we overcome low self-esteem? How do we become emotionally worthy of pleasure? Allow ourselves sexual pleasure without guilt or hang-ups? Give ourselves permission to have that dessert?
On a personal level, I don’t think I suffer from deprivation disorder. But there are people in my life who seem to, and it hurts to watch them suffer. I don’t have the words to convince them they deserve to be happy and satisfied.
The obvious answer appears to be discussion. On their part. I can say all the positive things in the world, encourage until I’m blue in the face. They have to start talking about their feelings with someone trained to help them work through it.
And I wonder how pervasive this disorder really is. When I see friends who are clearly malnourished I wonder if deprivation disorder is the cause.
It hurts to see good people suffer without apparent reason. I know all too well how the past can influence the present, but I also know we have the power to change our lives. Some people are denied good things because they don’t make enough money to enjoy a certain standard of living, but sometimes money (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with it.
It’s especially hard when deprivation looks like virtue. How do you convince someone their behavior has nothing to do with belief or virtue without hurting their feelings?
In an often dark and difficult world, seeing people voluntarily adding to their suffering seems wasteful and needlessly degrading.
And like so many important things in this life, there are few easy answers, but there are answers.
I’ve been learning about this type of disorder since March of this year and it’s really opened my eyes to an aspect of human behavior that is much more common than I thought. While there are many reasons for the way we humans behave I believe this disorder may have a greater influence than any other factor in our lives, especially when it comes to sexual behavior.
Deprivation disorder is characterized by personal denial of things that bring us pleasure or make us happy and fulfilled. Sometimes it’s disguised as virtue. Religion can often serve as a cover for this denial, but deprivation disorder is wide-ranging.
Sexual anorexia is a common form. For any number of reasons people deny themselves the pleasure of sexual contact. Sometimes the cause may be sexual abuse in our past, but I don’t believe it’s the sole reason. People deny themselves sexual contact because, on some level, they don’t feel they deserve to be physically desired.
But that’s only one form. This disorder takes thousands of forms. Eating disorders may be one form, but it’s important to remember there are many reasons driving eating disorders. People deny themselves good quality food, food that tastes good, or dessert. Often this seems like virtue. “I don’t eat sweets because I care about my body.”
From what I’ve been learning, virtue is the number one tool in hiding deprivation disorder. People use religion and virtue as a shield for their denial of good things. But virtue has nothing to do with this problem. Virtue becomes the excuse.
Some people take this to extremes. They won’t dress nicely or groom themselves the way they should. They avoid things that may improve the quality of their lives. Sometimes they even deny themselves medical and/or dental care. Anything that might bring them pleasure is avoided. Their lives take on a monkish quality. Their lives become a prison of denial.
Sexual Anorexia. I was floored when this concept was introduced to me. But sexual anorexia is likely the most common form of deprivation disorder. There are so many reasons to avoid sexual contact it’s the easiest form this illness takes. I’ve come to believe that sexual victimization can be one source of sexual deprivation disorder.
But it’s not the only reason.
Deprivation disorder is most likely linked to low self-esteem or low self-image. The causes are many but the outcome is the same – denial of that which might bring us joy.
And breaking people out of this might be one of the hardest things we ever attempt. The denial of pleasure becomes so deeply ingrained it becomes a prison. The words of others are not enough to break us out of our deprivation disorder. We have made deprivation part of our skin – flesh and bone.
The big question is; how do we break the cycle? How do we overcome our deprivation disorder and convince ourselves we deserve the things in life that bring us joy?
The answers are as deeply seated as the disorder is. How do we overcome low self-esteem? How do we become emotionally worthy of pleasure? Allow ourselves sexual pleasure without guilt or hang-ups? Give ourselves permission to have that dessert?
On a personal level, I don’t think I suffer from deprivation disorder. But there are people in my life who seem to, and it hurts to watch them suffer. I don’t have the words to convince them they deserve to be happy and satisfied.
The obvious answer appears to be discussion. On their part. I can say all the positive things in the world, encourage until I’m blue in the face. They have to start talking about their feelings with someone trained to help them work through it.
And I wonder how pervasive this disorder really is. When I see friends who are clearly malnourished I wonder if deprivation disorder is the cause.
It hurts to see good people suffer without apparent reason. I know all too well how the past can influence the present, but I also know we have the power to change our lives. Some people are denied good things because they don’t make enough money to enjoy a certain standard of living, but sometimes money (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with it.
It’s especially hard when deprivation looks like virtue. How do you convince someone their behavior has nothing to do with belief or virtue without hurting their feelings?
In an often dark and difficult world, seeing people voluntarily adding to their suffering seems wasteful and needlessly degrading.
And like so many important things in this life, there are few easy answers, but there are answers.
# posted by Phillip T. Alden @ 8:41 PM 
