One More Opinion

When good people are infiltrated by the under-handed:
By Phillip T. Alden
San Francisco, CA - July 2006.


One of the things about being a good person is that we tend to be trusting. When a person comes along who seems good we want to believe the best about them, believe they are also good people. This is part of our condition.

But many bad people like to insinuate themselves among good people for many reasons. Sometimes they want to pretend they are good people, afraid to admit to themselves they are not. Sometimes they only wish to use us for their own selfish ends. As sad as it is, if you live long enough this will happen because bad people are drawn to us. They see our warmth and desperately hope it will reduce the cold they feel inside, though it never does.

And it often starts with little things. Being good people we forgive, thinking these events are just mistakes made by other good people. It isn’t until the bad person does something that makes it clear to everyone exactly who and what they are, that we finally drive them from our midst. Being good people we don’t want to believe the worst of others, we don’t want to believe the person we have let become close is a bad person, and we get burned. Only then do we look back and see the little events as the warnings they were. Hindsight is 20-20.

As much as it pains us, and goes against our beliefs, we should be cautious when we see the little things because they are often harbingers of the future. Bad people give themselves away in ways both subtle and gross, but good people often miss the subtle warnings.

Bad people are often quite adept at making themselves look good. Like a chameleon they develop subterfuges to make them appear as good people. Even after they are shown to be what they are, we don’t want to believe it. That is not a fault. Our belief that others are basically good in nature speaks to the content of our character. Bad people know this and use it.

Because that is what bad people are – users. When they see another person they look for ways they can manipulate them, look for ways they can use the good person to their advantage. They calculate outside the world of mathematics.

They also work very hard at covering their tracks, hiding their background lest someone figure out what they are. They usually run far from their home because they have used their family and friends, burned every bridge. One of their great fears is we will discover their dark past. It would be great to suspect people who hide their familial connections and where they come from, but many people come from highly dysfunctional families where they were victimized. Bad people use this too.

Trust is part of our nature. We are incapable of looking upon new people with distrust because it runs contrary to our very core. We would rather trust and take the chance of getting burned than live in suspicion and distrust. That’s where bad people live. It’s one of the things that separate us from the bad people.

I am not suggesting we try and change our nature. To a certain extent, bad people will always be able to take advantage of us. It’s just a fact of life. But we should use caution when we see things that seem out of place for a good person. While we wish to believe that some of us are simply good people making a mistake, there are some behaviors that can clue us in, some things that should make us question.

Good people make mistakes. Usually we apologize and do our best to make amends. It is the people who justify their bad acts, who work very hard to rationalize to us why they behave in ways that seem untoward to us. It’s the second warning sign. Especially when they try to make themselves look good by making the other person look bad. This is the third warning sign.

And bad people will try very hard to make their behavior look like a mistake when it is anything but. They will attempt to save face by making their behavior look like an oversight. This is another manipulative act they use to stay hidden among us. When we see an action that seems opposite to what we believe, we should become vigilant. When we start to observe and tread with care things will make themselves clear to us.

I wish it were not this way. I wish there were only good people in the world. Barring that, I wish bad people were open and honest about who and what they are. But as the old saying goes; “If wishes were horses, dreamers would ride.” We cannot deny the darkness any more than we can deny that night follows day. It is the way of the universe.

So keep being open and warm and inviting. But be careful also. In Texas they have many sayings, and one that applies here is; “Water finds its own level.” Good people are drawn to other good people and we discover each other all the time. Bad people will eventually be found out – that also happens to be their greatest fear.

A good person is never ashamed or fearful of their past. Regretful yes, shameful no. A good person will let you truly know them, even if they have siblings or parents they may find embarrassing. They are not afraid to show where they come from and who their people are. Good people are not generally secretive. Everyone has a private life but good people rarely have a hidden life.

A good person may get hurt every now and again – but love, dignity, loyalty and serenity are things no power in the universe, no matter how dark, can ever take from us.