Friday, February 13, 2009
Yesterday was my 45th birthday. I don't know why I'm posting this here instead of on Live Journal, (where I post most of my personal entries.) Maybe I'm looking for a little anonymity for some unknown reason.
I feel pretty good for a 45-year-old guy who is living with HIV/AIDS. Of course, I take care of myself, (as best I can.) I'm so grateful to Erik, not only for the tremendous love and patience he's shown again and again, but because he has helped me stay healthy.
Hell, I'm in better shape than many American guys my age who don't have AIDS.
My lower back pain continues pretty much the same. I could go up to SF and see that guy my pain specialist recommended, pay for a bunch of expensive tests and consultations that probably aren't covered by my medical insurance, and possibly find out what is the exact cause of my pain. Maybe there's a surgical option then, and maybe there isn't. There's no guarantees that, if they actually find the problem, there's a surgical solution. There might not be anything more they could do than what they're doing now.
But the chance to be free of the back pain, and be free of the pain-killers, is something I hope for.
I'm still not reading the news or listening to more than an hour of NPR. Some days I don't listen to NPR at all, but it's the station my alarm clock is tuned to. I have been much less stressed out this week because I'm not reading the news. For most of the stuff I read about just gets me angry or frustrated or sad - and there's nothing I can do about 99.9% of it.
Max seems to be doing okay still. I hope that, if it was a small stroke, that it won't recur and he'll be fine for a few more years. I know I'll likely outlive the little guy, (random chance aside,) but both Erik and I love him so much it will hurt terribly when he leaves us. I don't even like to think about it, but I cannot totally escape thinking about it.
I hope Erik's new job continues to go okay, and I hope and pray for this country that we find a constructive and positive way out of this economic depression. I fear my government is going to screw up for a while, things will get worse, and then they'll do something that works. (Like the last American Great Depression.)
I also hope my friends and family will be okay and will come through this dark time intact and healthy. So much to worry about if I dwell on it too much.
I also didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up. Here's hoping for a better night's sleep tonight.
Erik is taking me out to "The Melting Pot" (fondue) for dinner, to celebrate my birthday and Valentine's Day together. I'm looking forward to it.
Now I'm going to try and nap, if I can quiet my ever-busy mind.
I feel pretty good for a 45-year-old guy who is living with HIV/AIDS. Of course, I take care of myself, (as best I can.) I'm so grateful to Erik, not only for the tremendous love and patience he's shown again and again, but because he has helped me stay healthy.
Hell, I'm in better shape than many American guys my age who don't have AIDS.
My lower back pain continues pretty much the same. I could go up to SF and see that guy my pain specialist recommended, pay for a bunch of expensive tests and consultations that probably aren't covered by my medical insurance, and possibly find out what is the exact cause of my pain. Maybe there's a surgical option then, and maybe there isn't. There's no guarantees that, if they actually find the problem, there's a surgical solution. There might not be anything more they could do than what they're doing now.
But the chance to be free of the back pain, and be free of the pain-killers, is something I hope for.
I'm still not reading the news or listening to more than an hour of NPR. Some days I don't listen to NPR at all, but it's the station my alarm clock is tuned to. I have been much less stressed out this week because I'm not reading the news. For most of the stuff I read about just gets me angry or frustrated or sad - and there's nothing I can do about 99.9% of it.
Max seems to be doing okay still. I hope that, if it was a small stroke, that it won't recur and he'll be fine for a few more years. I know I'll likely outlive the little guy, (random chance aside,) but both Erik and I love him so much it will hurt terribly when he leaves us. I don't even like to think about it, but I cannot totally escape thinking about it.
I hope Erik's new job continues to go okay, and I hope and pray for this country that we find a constructive and positive way out of this economic depression. I fear my government is going to screw up for a while, things will get worse, and then they'll do something that works. (Like the last American Great Depression.)
I also hope my friends and family will be okay and will come through this dark time intact and healthy. So much to worry about if I dwell on it too much.
I also didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up. Here's hoping for a better night's sleep tonight.
Erik is taking me out to "The Melting Pot" (fondue) for dinner, to celebrate my birthday and Valentine's Day together. I'm looking forward to it.
Now I'm going to try and nap, if I can quiet my ever-busy mind.
Labels: State Of Phillip
